FREAKING DONE!

     I just want to cry! Yesterday I did cry. Ok so Friday I was not perfect I went to LaLuna and I ate stuff I should not have, and I went to the bar and had 2 shots.   I get that except I stepped on the scale and no gain Sat. I was like wow.  Then Sat I had to go to my friends little girls birthday party. on the way there Carri had chips in her car the kids starting eating them so I ate 3 does not sound like a lot I know but this stuff adds up fast, then when I got to the party I ate 4 chips with cheese dip, damn it, I SUCK  !  So I left got in the car and sure enough there to greet me when I got in the car.  OMG I hate my life sometimes.  So I proceed to eat 6 more chips and yes thanks to my stupid diet I count them and eat one I think this will be my last then before I know it I am reaching for another and another dam where did all my will power go. It was gone see ya bye bye.  I am getting weaker not stronger, but the more I cheat the more I beat my self up then I spend the rest of the afternoon trying to stay on diet but somehow not quiet making it.  
    Then the pain I got up Sunday and stepped on the scale and I felt the cold hard slap in the face as I was up 3.2 lbs bringing me below the 35 lb mark, I burst into tears like someone had physically hurt me.  I pulled it together the best I could and went took my shot. Ang called to do her daily Angela report ( as my brother calls it) and she said how did you do and I burst into tears again ran into my room and just started crying even more.   She had called to say she was up 2 lbs also.  OMG this is so hard.   I was doing so good at first now I just feel so shitty about myself.   Which really sucks to because Sat when I got up I was having such a good day. 
   I got in my closet and I had these pants that I have not worn forever because they got so tight they were uncomfortable.  I could fit in them but barley they got to the point I just did not wear them anymore. So Sat after I got out of the shower I was like well lets try these, I put my 1st leg in and I was well they seem a little looser I am not tugging to get over my fat calf, then the next WOW it is going on pretty good then the big test my butt. but holy cow it went right on I buttoned them up and they were actually a little baggy I was so excited I was jumping up and down, yes I did say jumping I was so happy I ran grabbed the phone to call Ang I was stoked  !! But that joy was short lived..................
   Sunday sucked I just was min from tears all day or I bitchy and biting every ones head off. WOW I am just a hot mess.  I am telling you . So I forced myself to stay on diet all day yesterday. I made dinner for my family and still stayed on diet.  I ate my fruit I really did do good.  Or at least I thought I did.
    So here I am today.  I stepped on that scale this morning and I was up 3 lbs what the "F" I burst into tears I tried so hard what in the hell.  I am so sad so frustrated to mad and disappointed in myself.   If I could get my foot to reach I would kick my self in the ASS I am telling you I just so upset. I have 1 day of shots left then 3 days of staying on diet before moving to phase 3.  I am so upset I had dreams of being at 40lbs gone by then, but I will be lucky if I make 35lbs at this point. 
   Don't worry I am not giving up, but I am going to be the Diet Natzi for myself for the next week.  I am so frustrated but I have til Friday to drop it likes it hot.   Anyway here is to another day, I would take a shot to that if I could have one, but I need to lay of the sauce for a bit too, it is fattening. Although I could sure use it right now.  lol   Anyway that about sums it up for me for now.  I am up 6.2 lbs after the weekend I have 1 shot left and 1 week til I start phase 3 wish me luck !! I am going to need it.     TTFN Chan